What a week.
Work.
Mentally, mentally draining, I finally ompleted my re-org. It's been a two week process. Through it all I've had some of the toughest conversations of my career. My intent was to do it with as much compassion as I could and while I like to think that I did; it's hard to know how it was received. From my own personal experience - I've received such news quite brutally. It's hard enough to know that you're changing someone's life - at least one could do it with compassion.
We are all human.
Personally.
One of our dearest friends back in the states is dealing with a major illness and life changing events. We talked to him Sunday evening last week-end and although we knew he was ill, more and more details keep coming forward, and then after hearing his voice - it's just all very surreal. Partly due to the distance, but it's also brought to surface conversations of our own mortality. It's definitely not a new subject to us, but after a long day at work it's not the easiest subjects to have. We watched some silly TV last night and I still managed to cry. I obviously needed the release.
Yoga.
Interesting that when everything seems to be swallowing me up, these are the times that when I come to my yoga mat that seriously have some of my best practices. Not because of any great strength or flexibility or becuase I can get into whatever pose I might be especially working on. No, not any of that. As I stand at the top of my mat and set my intention for the practice - to simply be present, breathe in, breathe out, to experience all the slightest feelings in my body and just release.
The week-end lies ahead. No specific plans, although I would like to get out and have a good walk with D.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
lousy practice - lousy yogi
I went home last night with best intentions to do full primary and then all of my second series poses. I was sooo mentally in the mood...
But then this is what happened.
Walked in, talked to D for a bit, hi to the cats and then immediately went upstairs to set up the mat in the spare bedroom. While I would like to practice on the wood floors in the conservatory it's right next to the kitchen where too many temptations lie.
Upstairs in the bedroom, Juju (my cat), was in need of some love. Which basically means lots of purring and staring at me so that I would stop whatever I was doing and hold her. So, I ignored her. D came in and announced we have nothing for dinner and asked what I wanted. My response - I have no idea. I set up my mat and changed into my yoga clothes. Juju following me. D comes back into the bedroom and announces he's going to the grocery store and why don't I come along. No, I really want to do my yoga. D putzes around and asks again what I want for dinner - um still don't know and I really, really want to do my yoga! (says the agitated yogi)
Finally on my yoga mat. Surya A - my left leg still sore, but focusing on my breath. Juju laying on the bed staring and purring. I forget my drishte in downward dog and talk to her. After 5 A's I move to 5 B's. D in and out of the bedroom as he gets his jacket, etc. I struggle to get through all of my standing postures. Juju wanders onto the mat and decides to lay down in the middle of it during one of my downward dogs. I practically crush her, but she just whines and refuses to move. Me - gets frustrated. Screw yoga. But wait I really want to work on backbends. D comes home and wanders into the bedroom. Could I have anymore distractions?!? Screw the rest of the series - I decide just to go into backbends. The first one was aweful - could not have been flatter than a pancake. Suffered through it and did six or seven more they progressively get better. Drop backs on the wall remembering the learnings from the Matthew Sweeney workshop. A few more from the floor. Considering I didn't do any of my the 2nd series prep poses for backbends I'm feeling okay with how they went. I skip all of the closing postures. Juju is annoying the heck out of me.
I change into my swimsuit and decide that savasana (rest pose) will be done soaking in the hot tub (with a glass of wine). I walk through the kitchen; grab my wine, few words to D, I am indeed in a pissy mood. Basically upset with myself for not having the discipline to do what I had set out to do and now taking it out on D and Juju. What happened to what I just read the night before? That a yogi is how one behaves off the mat. I sit in the hot tub, drink my wine and think.
I certainly have a long way to go.
But then this is what happened.
Walked in, talked to D for a bit, hi to the cats and then immediately went upstairs to set up the mat in the spare bedroom. While I would like to practice on the wood floors in the conservatory it's right next to the kitchen where too many temptations lie.
Upstairs in the bedroom, Juju (my cat), was in need of some love. Which basically means lots of purring and staring at me so that I would stop whatever I was doing and hold her. So, I ignored her. D came in and announced we have nothing for dinner and asked what I wanted. My response - I have no idea. I set up my mat and changed into my yoga clothes. Juju following me. D comes back into the bedroom and announces he's going to the grocery store and why don't I come along. No, I really want to do my yoga. D putzes around and asks again what I want for dinner - um still don't know and I really, really want to do my yoga! (says the agitated yogi)
Finally on my yoga mat. Surya A - my left leg still sore, but focusing on my breath. Juju laying on the bed staring and purring. I forget my drishte in downward dog and talk to her. After 5 A's I move to 5 B's. D in and out of the bedroom as he gets his jacket, etc. I struggle to get through all of my standing postures. Juju wanders onto the mat and decides to lay down in the middle of it during one of my downward dogs. I practically crush her, but she just whines and refuses to move. Me - gets frustrated. Screw yoga. But wait I really want to work on backbends. D comes home and wanders into the bedroom. Could I have anymore distractions?!? Screw the rest of the series - I decide just to go into backbends. The first one was aweful - could not have been flatter than a pancake. Suffered through it and did six or seven more they progressively get better. Drop backs on the wall remembering the learnings from the Matthew Sweeney workshop. A few more from the floor. Considering I didn't do any of my the 2nd series prep poses for backbends I'm feeling okay with how they went. I skip all of the closing postures. Juju is annoying the heck out of me.
I change into my swimsuit and decide that savasana (rest pose) will be done soaking in the hot tub (with a glass of wine). I walk through the kitchen; grab my wine, few words to D, I am indeed in a pissy mood. Basically upset with myself for not having the discipline to do what I had set out to do and now taking it out on D and Juju. What happened to what I just read the night before? That a yogi is how one behaves off the mat. I sit in the hot tub, drink my wine and think.
I certainly have a long way to go.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Three signs for my yoga practice
I've always been the type of person where I need to do something fully.
Back during my marathon running days I would run at minimum five miles a day. Anything less than that not only wasn't good enough but just wasn't worth it from a time pov. I don't know how or why I got that stuck in my head but I did. I would always schedule 90 minute break for my lunch hour; this allowed for a 5-10 mile run, plus shower, and time to grab my lunch and head off to my next meeting. This was normal and was able to easily maintain this schedule five days a week. I had many running friends and I work at a company that encourages some form a physical activity anytime during the working day. So when I transitioned from being a runner to an ashtangi I kept this same thinking. I must do my full practice! In the US I was able to manage my schedule rather well so that rarely did I ever do a shortened practice.
Well that has all changed. I'm living in the UK with a completely different life and I'm struggling to find time for my daily full ashtanga practice. Having to settle for three to five practices a week. Of course, I take full responsibility for this. I have had to prioritize other aspects of my life above my practice; it hasn't been easy. And unfortunately I haven't been able to shift my 'all or nothing' thinking to my yoga practice.
Sign one.
Last night before I turned into bed I was talking to D about all of this and he reminded me that I'm no lesser of a person and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. It's all about balance. And that having some down time (means - relax) is also essential to the body and mind. This coming from the most disciplined person I know (he's a musician and practices hours and hours a day, scales, scales, scales and then more exercises, etc).
Sign two.
Before turning in I decided to read a bit from the Guruji book. I read the interview with David Swenson and in it he said a few things that just hit home. I wish I had the book in front of me - but I'm at work. Essentially it was about life doesn't always allow us to do our full practice and that it is equally important to be able to go through your daily life (work, interaction with others, grocery shopping, etc) as a yogi. And that getting on your mat for just 5 A's and 5 B's is good.
Sign three.
I read CK's blog this morning and today's posting reads:
SHORTENED HOME PRACTICE FOR ASTHANGIs
For when there isn’t enough time for a full practice
So there I have it - three signs in less than 24 hours.
I definitely need to change my 'all or nothing' frame of mind.
Last night before I turned into bed I was talking to D about all of this and he reminded me that I'm no lesser of a person and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. It's all about balance. And that having some down time (means - relax) is also essential to the body and mind. This coming from the most disciplined person I know (he's a musician and practices hours and hours a day, scales, scales, scales and then more exercises, etc).
Sign two.
Before turning in I decided to read a bit from the Guruji book. I read the interview with David Swenson and in it he said a few things that just hit home. I wish I had the book in front of me - but I'm at work. Essentially it was about life doesn't always allow us to do our full practice and that it is equally important to be able to go through your daily life (work, interaction with others, grocery shopping, etc) as a yogi. And that getting on your mat for just 5 A's and 5 B's is good.
Sign three.
I read CK's blog this morning and today's posting reads:
SHORTENED HOME PRACTICE FOR ASTHANGIs
For when there isn’t enough time for a full practice
So there I have it - three signs in less than 24 hours.
I definitely need to change my 'all or nothing' frame of mind.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Take 10 deep breaths...
Today is definitely going to be my most stressful day at this new job since I started. While I don't want to go into detail; I'll just say that this is the least favorite part of being a manager.
Interesting that I received this link in an email last night. Simple but oh so effective. This is yoga at your desk.
Interesting that I received this link in an email last night. Simple but oh so effective. This is yoga at your desk.
Practice last night was better than expected. First time I did my full 2nd series - that's to Ardha Matsyendrasana for me with no pain. I was so focused on my breath and being strong in the legs. Backbends felt great - still reaping the benefits from Sunday's backbending workshop with Matthew Sweeney.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Matthew Sweeney yoga workshop recap
I am so glad I attended the yoga workshop this past week-end. It fed me physically and perhaps more importantly mentally. I was prepared to take notes during his talks, but then decided against it. I wanted to be completely present listening to him. Whenever I take a notes I often find I miss half of what the presenter says.
Friday night's session we did his moon sequence. Given the fact that my leg was still bothering me and that my practices over the last few weeks have been hit or miss this is what I needed. The longer holds and the focus on hip openers was perfect for my sciatica and left leg.
Saturday morning's class was basically two thirds of primary and then we went back and revisited some of the standing postures. Matthew pointed out that most of us fly through the standing postures when we really should focus on them more as they build much needed strength in the legs - required for backbending postures. The afternoon we focused on jump through's and jump backs. He does a great job of prepping for each of these and then breaking them down into achievable 1-2-3-4 steps. Very accessible for all no matter where you're at in your practice.
Sunday morning class was the Lion sequence - from my understanding an alternative to ashtanga 2nd series and much more accessible to students. Great focus placed on standing postures and waking up the legs. Really enjoyed this and suprised how shaky my legs were! We did a series of postures where we were kneeling but rather having the feet flat we were curled up on our toes. Afternoon session was backbending. Another area that many students rush through - his recommendation is to work on backbending much more in our practice.
At the end of each session Matthew held an open discussion for close to an hour. Although I knew much of what he said I needed to hear it again. I realize that although I may know something in my head I don't always know it at the cellular level. This is definitely where my work lies ahead.
The guy is incredibly down to earth, willing to share his experience and learnings, and very inspiring. While I could go into much further detail I'm still digesting all that I learned.
I would love to do his month long Thailand retreat. I spoke to my hubby and he was of course incredibily supportive and says I should do it. I'm going to give it some more thought and then see if I can swing it. After all this company does owe me a seven week sabbatical!
Friday night's session we did his moon sequence. Given the fact that my leg was still bothering me and that my practices over the last few weeks have been hit or miss this is what I needed. The longer holds and the focus on hip openers was perfect for my sciatica and left leg.
Saturday morning's class was basically two thirds of primary and then we went back and revisited some of the standing postures. Matthew pointed out that most of us fly through the standing postures when we really should focus on them more as they build much needed strength in the legs - required for backbending postures. The afternoon we focused on jump through's and jump backs. He does a great job of prepping for each of these and then breaking them down into achievable 1-2-3-4 steps. Very accessible for all no matter where you're at in your practice.
Sunday morning class was the Lion sequence - from my understanding an alternative to ashtanga 2nd series and much more accessible to students. Great focus placed on standing postures and waking up the legs. Really enjoyed this and suprised how shaky my legs were! We did a series of postures where we were kneeling but rather having the feet flat we were curled up on our toes. Afternoon session was backbending. Another area that many students rush through - his recommendation is to work on backbending much more in our practice.
At the end of each session Matthew held an open discussion for close to an hour. Although I knew much of what he said I needed to hear it again. I realize that although I may know something in my head I don't always know it at the cellular level. This is definitely where my work lies ahead.
The guy is incredibly down to earth, willing to share his experience and learnings, and very inspiring. While I could go into much further detail I'm still digesting all that I learned.
I would love to do his month long Thailand retreat. I spoke to my hubby and he was of course incredibily supportive and says I should do it. I'm going to give it some more thought and then see if I can swing it. After all this company does owe me a seven week sabbatical!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Patience & my ego
I will be cultivating patience for the rest of my life.
It is certainly not in my nature and definitely one of my biggest stumbling blocks on and off the mat. Which is probably why I am constantly provided opportunities to test and explore where I am at with this virtue. My latest test - my left leg.
My left leg. Argh!!! It was the more flexible of the two. I could easily put it behind my head. Now - not so much; actually not even close. While I know none of this should matter my ego keeps rearing it's ugly head to remind me how attached I remain to the physical part of my practice.
Still so much to learn.
So, I decided to to the Matthew Sweeney workshop this week-end. Even though my practice is half of what it is. It will be a good mental practice to let go of the ego and cultivate patience. I have a very complicated work week ahead of me; this will definitely help put me in the right frame of mind.
It is certainly not in my nature and definitely one of my biggest stumbling blocks on and off the mat. Which is probably why I am constantly provided opportunities to test and explore where I am at with this virtue. My latest test - my left leg.
My left leg. Argh!!! It was the more flexible of the two. I could easily put it behind my head. Now - not so much; actually not even close. While I know none of this should matter my ego keeps rearing it's ugly head to remind me how attached I remain to the physical part of my practice.
Still so much to learn.
So, I decided to to the Matthew Sweeney workshop this week-end. Even though my practice is half of what it is. It will be a good mental practice to let go of the ego and cultivate patience. I have a very complicated work week ahead of me; this will definitely help put me in the right frame of mind.
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